Do you have a hard time saying no? I definitely do. My dear, sweet dad might just be the nicest guy ever and he never says no when someone asks him for a favor. So, you might say I learned from the best. I want to be a person who can always be counted on to help a friend in need. I want to be remembered as being kind and selfless. But, does that desire come at a cost? Saying yes to everyone may make you a really nice, reliable person, but could it also be hurting you? Sometimes we need to learn to say no.
I said yes too many times last week. I was burning my candle from both ends and I had almost no time to work on things that were important to me, instead I was working on things that were important to other people. Yes, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to be able to help, and helping out here and there is a good thing, but when everyone decides to call in their favors all at once and you don’t like to say no, it can be overwhelming. My situation got me to thinking that sometimes saying no to someone means saying yes to yourself. My introspection has this quote is really resonating with me right now:
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Sometimes by saying no to someone else, you say yes to yourself. You say yes to making your needs a priority, and taking care of yourself so you can take care of others. It’s so easy to completely ignore self care, but if you put it off for too long, you’ll wind up burnt out and unhappy at best. If you can learn to say no when you’re heart’s not in it, or when it’s not something that’s in your mutual best interest, you’re ultimately staying true to yourself.
That brings me to one of my new goals for myself: learn to say no. I will learn to prioritize the few things that I say yes to. Will the favor take an hour of my time or will it take five or even ten? I need to start being a little more selfish with my time if I’m going to accomplish the grand plans I have for myself and my life. That way, instead of spreading myself thin, I’ll be able to fully engage and commit to whatever it is I’m trying to accomplish.
Do you have trouble saying no?
If you’ve overcome a fear of saying no, how did you do it?
I call it Beneficial Strategic Selfishness. Help the world by helping yourself! But I need to learn to say no to my own impulses sometimes. Sometimes I’m worse than others!
Yes, right? I’m so good at telling others to take care of themselves, but I’m terrible at doing it myself. I need to start walking the walk!
Learning to say no was as easy as realizing I needed to stop ever ever saying yes in the moment.
It is always a: maybe let me think about that.
This is why you are such an inspiration, Carla. We all have a lot to learn from you (and #wycwyc)! Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment!
THIS. Saying “no” is something that I have a tough time with, as well. I think that many people do, and seriously don’t realize it until they’ve overbooked or even double-booked themselves.
I’ve done that twice in the past month.:\
I’m having the toughest time finding a balance of time. It’s either UP, UP, UP, or down, down, down. I think more organization will help, but working on saying “no” will definitely be the key! Thank you for the reminder, friend. I’m pretty sure it’s just what I needed!
Yes, organization helps, but to a point. I try to maximize my time and be as efficient as possible, but sometimes there aren’t enough hours in the day. (Someone needs to get on that and find a way to add more time to the day!)
This is a great post and reminder! I have been guilty of saying yes to too many things in the past, and I always learn the hard way of the importance of saying no. Have a great week!
I’m feeling that struggle. I’m learning the hard way, too. Working on it!
Oh how I know about this! A constant life struggle of mine!
So hard to get good at. Someday. 🙂
Saying no is something I have definitely learned to do, but for me it was more with social plans! It is SO hard to feel obligated to go to everything you’re invited to and say yes to everything your friends and loved ones need. I can’t give my all if I’m burnt out and overtired- which is why I have learned to say no and protect my downtime!
I’m really struggling with that now. I have a lot of things I need to do, but I want to maintain my relationships with friends, too. It’s a hard line to walk.
This was definitely something I had to force myself to do in graduate school. I stopped saying yes to everything because I needed to be able to give my best to my then fiance (now husband), to the professors and students whom I TA’ed for, to my courses, and to myself. I always worry about disappointing others, but doing a half-hearted job or not having enough time can be more disappointing to someone than a short and well-meaning no.
Grad school is a huge time suck. And unfortunately it always seems like the same people volunteer to be on all the committees etc. Glad you were able to prioritize for you and those around you!
Saying no is really important. You have to make sure that you are taking care of yourself before you give away to other people. I’ve definitely been there and it’s not an easy habit to break!
Any tips for those of us who are still starting our “saying no” journey? 🙂 (Maybe in a blog post?? :D)
It’s so hard to learn to say No. I always feel like I will disappoint someone if I say no, but as I get older, I realize that I have to say no to some things to save my sanity!
I have the same fear. I really, really don’t like letting people down. But, sometimes when I’m not letting people down, I’m letting myself down. I’m working on trying to take care of myself a little better. 🙂
I do have trouble saying no…sometimes. I think it’s the way I was raised–to not ruffle the waters, to make everyone happy. I’m getting better at it tho.
Yes, exactly! I feel like when your parents don’t like to make a big stink you internalize that. It’s a journey!
I struggle with saying NO and not taking on too much. It is something I am constantly working on.
Me too. So much. Hopefully we can all work on it. 🙂
Saying “no” became easier once I learned I didn’t owe anyone an explanation. I can just say “no” and that can be my answer.
I do take on too much, but it’s usually not because I’m saying yes, it’s because I make up all the hobbies for myself 🙂
Please, teach me your ways of saying no! 😀 PS Miss you, girl.
Truth! I really like that quote too.
I am getting better at saying NO when folks ask me to sub their classes…as a fellow instructor yourself, you know what I am talking about!!!
Yes, right? You want to do your friends a favor and make a little extra money…you really have to think about what your priorities are.